


Stir the Blood

by LaFemmeFatale



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Hate Sex, Hate to Love, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:22:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaFemmeFatale/pseuds/LaFemmeFatale
Summary: Your boss is an asshole, so you find a friend in his enemy. (Used first person POV)





	1. Chapter 1

Being the general’s secretary was not what I imagined myself doing on the Finalizer. I was good shot, a talented pilot and a scientist. I dreamed of getting a position in Science Departament, maybe even running it myself someday. Instead, all I got to do was dealing with whiny soldiers who demanded general’s attention **immidiately** , doing the job Hux felt himself above doing on his own and of course, being his personal punching bag when things went awry.

Well, he never _actually_ hit me. But he liked to shout at me, give me additional work and sometimes throw something in my general direction. I took it all with as much patience as one can expect. The frustration, however, was getting to me these days and I couldn’t help but wonder when I will finally snap and tell Hux what I think genuinely about him. 

Seeing none other than Kylo Ren entering my office, I knew this day would come sooner than I’d desire. I had no will to end up in air lock, but perhaps, it’d be much preferable over putting up with both of my superiors throwing tantrums and their aftermath.

I barely held back a pained groan when Commander Ren turned towards me. 

“Is the general in his office?” he asked, mask strangely modulating his voice. Surprisingly, Ren never gave me that much trouble and he seemed to actually tolerate my presence, unlike Hux who always looked like he interacted with me only out of absolute necessity. Master Ren, however, did nothing that could put me in trouble nor unleashed his anger on me. I appreciated that, knowing he was very prone to his fits of rage and destruction.

“He is. I will check if he’s busy.” I replied, politely. Ren only gave me a single nod as I approached the door. I knocked gently.

“Come in.” came curt reply. I opened the door and stuck my head in my boss’ office.

“Master Ren is here and would like to speak with you. May I let him in?” I asked. The deadly glare I received sent a cold shiver of fear down my spine, even though I was aware it is not me his anger was directed at.

“Send him in,” he barked, looking back to his holopad. A small sigh passed my lips as I turned back to Ren.

“You may come in, Commander.” I said, stepping aside. I wasn’t graced with an answer and was left alone in my office. I sat by my desk and soon the silence was filled with angry shouts coming from the other room. I didn’t listen what they were arguing about this time. It was none of my business and their fights grew kind of boring by almost two years of listening to them on daily basis. I focused on my work instead, knowing that Hux would be most displeased if I was falling behind the tight schedule het set for me.

“(Y/n), come to my office. Now.” the general barked an order, suddenly appearing in the door. I gulped and scurried in. So, I was in trouble but I had yet to hear why.

“Yes, sir?” I asked, quietly, standing between Hux and Ren. The tension was palpable and I felt like I’m going to faint any second now. The general’s blue eyes bore into me and I felt like he’s seeing right through me and reading my every single thought, even though it wasn’t him with mind reading abilities.

“Master Ren said...” the general started, spitting out the other’s name like it’s a curse. “...that you think he is better as your superior than I am. Is this true?”

The look on my face must’ve been hilarious. Really? This time they were going to ask their subordinates whom they like better?

Maker, they were worse than children sometimes. It was amazing they were able to run the First Order, really.

“Go ahead, tell him what you think.” Kylo chimed in, his voice quiet and definitely amused, but it was undoubtly an order as well.

“May I speak freely, general?” I inquired. Hux gave a single nod. Cold glare was still focused on me and I was so scared I struggled to make proper sentences.

“I am your secretary. I am loyal and hard-working. I would never dare to think of choosing between my superiors or waste my time wondering whom I like better...” I started, slowly. “...Still, to be fairly honest, Commander Ren has never caused me trouble. He never disrespected me. Never attempted to intimidate me. Never gave me more duties than I am able to handle. I have heard stories of what he’s capable of, but it never applied to me. With you, general, I feel like a punching bag. You take your frustration out on me. I try to be understanding and patient. I know you’re very busy man and you carry a lot weight on your shoulders, being our leader and commanding entire army, but I have my limits as well and I find myself slowly reaching them.”

“Would you prefer to be transferred and work for Master Ren instead?” the general asked in tight voice. Oh, he was furious...

“So touchy, Hux...” Kylo Ren commented, slowly moving towards me and standing behind me. “All she said was that she sees you as more of an asshole than me and it was us who asked for her opinion.”

The general’s eyes narrowed in anger, because that was the truth he couldn’t argue with. He couldn’t punish me for fulfilling orders. It didn’t change the fact he was going to more than likely demote me and torment me until the end of my days for my disloyalty.

“I think since we started this discussion, you may as well continue..." he taunted. His eyes darkened in rage and now I was more scared than ever before. "Come on, lieutenant (y/n). Say all that you think of me.”

Well, I was a dead woman anyway, so I could as well do as he asked.

“I think you’re maginificent leader. Brave, smart, daring... Not to mention the obvious fact you’re handsome.”

I noticed a small blush dusting his cheeks. His anger quelled a little, too. I almost smirked at the sight of my boss so easily tamed with praise, but I was not going to go soft on him. If he wanted to hear it all, then he would.

“But you’re also cold, demanding and prone to anger. You disrespect and belittle me, even though I never cause trouble and fulfill your orders to the letter. You demand respect, and yet you respect no one in return. You constantly abuse me and torment me when something does not go according to your plan. No matter what I do, you are, as Commander Ren colorfully put it, an asshole to me and you like making me miserable. I can’t help but wonder if you hate me.”

“Dismissed.” he finally said and I hurried out of the room, knowing better than to antagonise him. Kylo Ren followed me soon after.

“Don’t worry, he won’t fire you.” he said, seeing my solemn expression.

"No...” I agreed. “He’s going to do much worse than that.”

The Commander only laughed and didn’t deny.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is an asshole. Kylo is your new best friend.

Next days passed in suspiciously normal atmosphere. I faced no consequences of my harsh words to the general. He continued on as if nothing ever happened. I got the same amount of work I always did. I still faced his anger and frustration when things went wrong. And, of course, I still had items thrown over my shoulder when Kylo Ren broke expensive equipment in fit of anger.

Somehow, this normalcy was even scarier than being faced with his vengeance. I knew he was planning something. I knew that, even though he ordered me to be honest, he would still put me in place for thinking bad about him. This waiting game was getting on my nerves. In the office, I was more skittish than usual, distracted and anxious.

I think he counted on that, because I started making mistakes. First, small spelling mistakes I could easily correct thanks to the writing program highlighting wrong written words. It only added to my anxiety because I knew Hux was a perfectionist. Even smallest mistake could unleash fury out of him. Every soldier, stormtrooper and scientist was afraid of him no less than they were scared of Commander Ren.

I waited for Hux’s vengeance like a prisoner waiting for death sentence. Sometimes, I caught him staring at me with oddly satisfied expression. He was playing with me like predator with its prey. He waited for the opportunity to come.

And it did.

That day was particularly stressful. I attended multiple meetings, had abundance of paperwork to do and not enough sleep. I had to write orders for new equipments and weapons. I wrote the wrong numbers and my personal Hell started.

“You kriffing **_imbecile_**!” Hux hollered, throwing a glass dangerously close to my face. I ducked it, but only barely. I curled in fear, feeling tears burning my eyes. “You had a simple task to fulfill and you’re incapable of doing it right! You want respect, but look at yourself! You’re **_useless_**! I have better things to do than fixing your mistakes! Do your job right or someone else will!”

My head snapped up at that. I looked at Hux with wide eyes. He never threatened to kick me out before. I opened my mouth to speak and apologize, but no sound came out. Tears spilled from my eyes and ran down my cheeks. 

I felt terrible. I had no idea how to appease him.

Seeing me cry surprised him, it seemed. Hux stopped in his tracks, watching me with his eyes narrowed. It was the first time he pushed me so hard and I don’t think he expected the outcome. I usually wasn’t so easy to upset. There was no remorse to be seen on his face, but he stopped shouting. Meanwhile, I still stood there, sobbing softly and trembling.

I was afraid, anxious and tired. I dreamed of going back to my quarters and taking a nap. I knew it wouldn’t happen, though.

“Get out of my office,” he hissed. “You will keep your job... for now. But it’d be the best for you if you started paying attention. Another slip like that and you’re out. Understood?”

“Y-yes, sir.” I stuttered out before quickly leaving the room.

Hours passed slowly. I came back to my duties, now checking everything five times over. It felt like I just acquired a new phobia.

“Are you alright?” a mechanic voice snapped me out of it. I looked up and saw Kylo Ren before me. I was so focused on my work, I didn’t even notice when he entered my office.

“Yes, Commander,” I replied. It sounded like a terrible lie even to my own ears. I cringed, realizing how pathetic my attempt was.

“It’s lunch time. I invite you to join me in the mess hall,” he said in a matter-of-factly tone. At the same moment, general Hux was leaving his bureau. My boss glared at the Commander and I just stared at Ren as if he suddenly grew a second head.

Whatever Ren was doing, he was doing it on purpose. If he aimed to piss off Hux, he managed to do that excellently. I saw the general clench his jaw in anger. 

If looks could kill, both I and the Commander would be dead.

“She has work to do, Ren,” Hux growled. “She doesn’t have time for a date with you.”

“Lieutenant Y/N has a break, like everyone else on this ship,” was a clipped reply. “You wrote the labour code yourself, general. One would expect you’d stick to it. Besides, your soldiers need rest and sustenance to keep in their best form.”

I watched the exchange in silence, knowing better than to meddle between the two of them. The Commander seemed very smug, I could tell as much even without seeing his face. He kept looking at me and never to spare a glance at seething Hux. The general only huffed and left.

“Ah, the overgrown, bureaucratic squirrel finally left,” he joked. I snorted a laugh at the insult, unable to help myself. “So... You coming?”

Despite my better judgement, I nodded and followed Ren out of the office. We walked in silence until we reached the mess hall. Both of us were given trays with our meals. The food looked bland and not very appetizing, as usual. It was supposed to be nutritious. Taste wasn’t an issue cooks bothered themselves with.

I sighed, pushing around around funny looking stew. Kylo Ren sat in front of me and I wondered if he’d somehow eat it with his mask on? I didn’t see any mechanism that’d allow it.

To my surprise, he took it off. I never saw his face before, but he was very handsome. He had green, almost black eyes and dark, thick hair. The colors of his irises and curly mane contrasted with pale complexion of his skin. Soft features didn’t give him a look of someone capable of violence and slaughter.

He looked so innocent... I wondered how could it be? When I looked in his eyes, I couldn’t see a monster either. Then again, I already learned that appearances could be very deceiving.

“You have questions...” he said, smiling softly. I looked away, embarassed I was staring so hard at him. Thankfully, he didn't seem offended.

“Why did you ask me to join you, sir?” I asked immidiately, feeling surprisingly bold. On the other hand, there was no point beating around the bush with someone who could read your mind.

“Because you needed a break. Because he’s an asshole and I like to piss him off. Because I like your company. Take your pick.” the Commander shrugged, taking a bite of his food. He made a face at the taste. “This is horrible...”

I laughed, because yes - food was disgusting and Ren’s reaction was disarmingly honest. 

“Why are you and him always at odds, Commander?”

“He’s a stick in the mud. He doesn’t know fun. He's my age and acting like he’s eighty years old. Hux is so... annoying. Shame our Leader needs him, otherwise I'd relieve the galaxy of him.”

I couldn’t help but glare at Kylo. True, the general was a difficult person, to put it mildly, but I didn’t appreciate the idea of the Commander killing him.

“How can you stand him?” Ren asked. “He’s treating you like dirt. You’re his right hand and yet he disrespects you, sometimes even in front of his soldiers. I saw it in your mind... And yet, you still work for him. You’re dutiful and faithful. I can’t understand why?”

I thought long about an answer. I never focused much on it and simply did what had to be done. I was good at my job and I doubted anyone would do it better than I.

“He’s brilliant. A genius.” I said, slowly, taking another bite of disgusting stew. “I can watch him at work and help him run his magnificent creation. He is... not easy to work with. It bothers me how little he thinks of me, but I still admire him. I work so hard because I hope that maybe one day... maybe one day I’ll make him proud.”

The Commander nodded, perhaps expecting similar answer.

“Then why did you come here? You knew it’d annoy him?” he inquired with a small smirk.

Well, that was true. Considering I was already in trouble with Hux, joining Kylo for lunch wasn’t the smartest decision. I still questioned my reasons.

“I guess I don’t kn...” I hesitated, but a sudden realization stopped me in my tracks.

“He was jealous,” I said, disbeliving my own words. “He was jealous and I wanted to give him a reason to. I think I... I wanted him to know that I don’t need him to be a valuable member of the First Order. That if he doesn’t value my worth, I’ll find a position where someone else will.”

“You’re defiant. I knew I had a reason to like you...” the Commander’s smirk widened and now was positively wicked. “You’re not like the rest of them - another mindless drone, cowering before their superior. I think it’s a quality he both likes and hates in you.”

I was surprised. I could hardly imagine the general liking anything about me.

“How about... we make sure he’s be too jealous to let you go? I’ll have fun at his expense and you’ll keep the job.”

I arched an eyebrow at the suggestion. A catlike smirk appeared on my lips. I was more than willing to hear out Commander Ren’s plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing. xD Any and all suggestions are welcome. I think I should've mentioned in previous chapter that English is not my first language and that I'm very sorry for the mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisinly, I had a good time dining with Commander Ren. He is snarky, honest and blatantly mean to those he dislikes (which was approximately 80% of the Starkiller’s population). For the first time I didn’t need to pretend all is fine, everyone’s great and being here is the greatest blessing that was bestowed upon me. I liked being where I was, but there were things and people I’d rather stay away from and the Commander seemed to understand that perfectly. It was refreshing to be around someone who wasn’t acting like a mindless drone working for the glory of the First Order.

I came back to my office in much better mood than before. I focused on my work, but the smile I had since I came back was still firmly on my lips. It was a good day and I finally saw the man behind the mask. A man who seemed as lonely as I was.

The good mood was shor-lived, however. The general stormed in, his blue eyes glaring at me with such intensity I stopped in my tracks.

“I-is something... the ma-matter, sir?” I stuttered out after a long long while of tense silence.

He didn’t reply immidiately to that, only walked closer and closer to me until he hovered directly above me. He leaned in almost close enough to kiss me, but still glaring daggers.

I couldn’t help but notice how oddly colored his eyes - icy blue mixing with jade. Terrifying and beautiful. Not that I would ever voice such silly thoughts to him.

“You are _**my**_ soldier. _**My**_ sercetary. **_My_** right hand.” he hissed. His warm breath caressed my skin in oddly intimate manner. “You will do well to remember that.”

I looked aghast at him, taken aback by the general’s possessiveness. Some part at me wanted to rebel and scream that I’m not his possession and I’m allowed to have relationships with people on this vessel. The other part wanted me to submit so I could be safe. I decided to find a middle ground between two opposing instincts.

“I am and always will be loyal to you, general.” I promised. There was no lie in my words - I truly meant what I said. “Being in Commander Ren’s company won’t change that.”

I saw a small twitch of anger ghosting through his face. It passed as quickly as it came, but his intense stare didn’t lessen at all.

“Why the sudden friendship between the two of you?” he asked with suspicion. “Is it because of the recent conversation between the three of us? Or perhaps, you’d prefer to be his **_sidekick_ ** rather than my secretary?”

Now I was the one who was angry. I tried to keep my face from showing any emotion, but I knew I failed.

“I am not the Commander’s sidekick and I don’t aim to be. It was his idea for us to eat lunch together, general. Commander Ren was always nice to me. He was the one who decided to befriend me. I believe, sir, you should ask him for the reasons why.”

“Oh, no... I can perfectly see why and it is a shame you don’t. He aims to use you against me. Ren will play on your feelings, make you feel liked and... **_special_**. But you’re not and won’t be. You’ll be only a pawn in his hands. While I can’t to dictate my subordinates who they should or shouldn’t be seeing, consider yourself warned. Kylo Ren is only capable of destruction. You’ll do well to remember that.”

Then, he marched to his office and I didn’t see him until the end of the day. I was hurt and angry that the general spat on the first friendship I managed to make in all my time there. Sure, I talked with other people, but I avoided any deeper relationships because I knew they’d try to use me to get to general Hux. Master Ren was open about his goals - he admitted he wants to piss the general off and so far, he managed to do so perfectly, but I didn’t feel any more secure about my job than I was before.

I was taking my datapad and some of the documents to leave. I just wanted to curl up and cry, and scream, but all I did was sighing heavily as I walked to open the door. The general emerged from his office and opened the door for me. As if on cue I received a message on my datapad:

[ **Commander Ren** ]: _I can sense you’re upset all the way in my quarters. Would you like to watch something together to cheer you up?_

I could feel general bristle behind me and small smirk graced my lips.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” he asked in gravely tone.

I sent Hux an odd look and typed quick (and not quite honest) ‘ _I’d love to_.’ and headed to the Commander’s quarters. Or at least tried to, because before I could make more than two steps a strong hand wrapped around my arm.

“You really shouldn’t go to him. He may act as though he likes you but he won’t hesitate to kill you if you do something to annoy him.” Hux whispered, sounding angry, but there was tinge of concern in his voice as well.

“Perhaps...” I nodded. “...Or perhaps he’s not as much of a monster as he’d like you to think he is. Perhaps he’s just... lonely.”

“And you, lieutenant? Are you lonely?” Hux asked, the question surprised me so much I struggled to find a proper answer.

“I do.” I admitted. “And you, general?”

He only looked at me and didn’t answer. Hux let go of my arm and I went to the Commander’s rooms, feeling the general’s gaze on me as I walked down the corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

The door to Commander Ren’s quarters opened before I could even ring the bell. I entered hesitantly, unsure what to expect.

‘I hear general Sux is giving you a headache...’ a familiar voice rang out. I couldn’t help but laugh at the nickname. It was very accurate, but I obviously wouldn’t admit it out loud. You couldn’t be too careful. You never knew who was listening and I knew more than enough people who’d gladly seek the ways to be rid of me to take my place as general’s assisstant.

Before I had a chance to properly look around, my eyes zeroed on the Commander. I shouldn’t be as surprised as I was, but seeing him in anything else than his mask and dramatic black robes was quite a shocker. Now, he was wearing slacks and a T-shirt. He looked so... normal.

Apparently, he must’ve read my thoughts because he snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes at me. I was a little offended that he did, but also relieved that he didn’t react violently. I liked him, but I wouldn’t make a mistake of underestimating his temper.

‘Come and sit,’ he beckoned me towards the couch. I sat down, begrudgingly thinking how unfair it was that I had no couch of my own. I looked around. Ren’s quarters were huge. The living room was spacious, well furnished. He had his own kitchenette and if my deducion skills didn’t fail me, the two door led to the bedroom and Ren’s own bathroom.

Lucky guy... Communal showers sucked and so did food in the mess hall.

‘Do you like it here?’ Ren asked as though he needed me to say that. A smirk playing on his lips suggested he already knew what was going through my head, but I decided to humor him anyway.

‘Yes, it is very nice place. My own room could pass for a broom closet.’ I said, unable to mask my bitterness, thinking of my tiny room that barely contained a single bed, a wardrobe and a desk. There was a small table with two chairs but it was actually barely big enough for even one person.

‘Is that so? One could think the general would reward you for your work by now. You deserve a place to rest. Being confined to claustrophobic space only adds to your stress.’

I shrugged, having no real answer for the Commander’s words. It was true that my room was way too small and therefore I only went there to sleep. I spent as little time there as possible.

‘What do you want to watch?’ Master Ren asked, changing the subject. I was grateful he did. I’ve head enough of hearing about Hux for a day.

* * *

 

The movie was really stupid. Quite funny, but very, very stupid. It had more plot holes than I could count, and half an hour in I simply gave up on following plot’s consistency and mindlessly watched it, laughing at the jokes. It was fun.

‘How come I don’t see you hanging out with anyone?’ I suddenly asked. ‘uh... Commander?’ I quickly added, noticing my mistake.

‘Call me Kylo...’ he shrugged, amused by my slip-up. ‘And to answer your question, I’m not very social person. You know it by now. Almost everyone on this ship are terrified of me. It’s not fun when someone hangs out with you out of fear. Besides, they are boring. Just a bunch of drones, really. I like you. You’re different.’

‘You’ve never been close to anyone here, too?’ I asked, feeling bad for him. Kylo wasn’t that bad. Surely there must’ve been people who’d enjoy his company. He was handsome, too, in his own very unique way.

‘No. I wasn’t interested. I’m not into that kind of thing. At all.’ he said. So, he was asexual, too, it seemed. I smiled. I could relate to that.

‘I rarely feel this way about anyone, so I think I understand. I experience some attraction, but it happened maybe three times in my entire life so far. And I never really acted on that. I wanted to, but they were taken and I didn’t want a mess in my life.’ I explained and Kylo nodded in understanding. It felt good to know that this friendship would not go some odd way. 

We talked a bit more about random things and then it got very late, so I returned to my room. I had a lot to think about concerning both my superiors and didn't get much sleep that night.

* * *

 

On the next day, I arrived at my office as usual. I was just on time, but the general was already there, waiting for me. For a moment I thought I was late, but the clock on the wall clearly stated I was not.

‘Good morning, sir.’ I greeted politely, uncertain what he was going to do or say. His seemed displeased. No, not displeased... It was almost fully hidden fury. If I didn’t know him any better, I’d be fooled. After years of working for him I knew the general well and his particularly expressive eyes. ‘Is something wrong?’

‘Oh, yes there is.’ he hissed, stalking towards me. ‘You were seen leaving Kylo Ren’s quarters at unseemly hour tonight.’

I almost cringed. It was easy to imagine what was being said. It would be hard to deny those gossips, but maybe it would be the best to just ignore them.

‘We had wonderful evening together, yes...’ I nodded. ‘I might have stayed a bit longer than I planned to.’

I’ve never seen that kind of expression on Hux’s face. He snarled at me and pushed me against the wall. Large hand wrapped around my throat - not tight enough to cut off the air, though. It just rested there, unyelding. I looked at him, utterly shocked and unmoving.

‘It is forbidden to sleep with your superiors, _**lieutenant**_.’ he growled, slightly sqeezing th grip on my throat. ‘Do I need to remind you of code that abides you?’

‘We didn’t sleep together!’ I cried out, panicked. Hux looked into my eyes as though reading my mind if I lie. He seemed to calm down, but only a little. The hand around my neck didn’t move an inch, though.

‘But people think you did. I can’t not address that.’ he said, his voice low and dark.

‘Are you worried what people say about me or is it just the idea of Kylo having sex with me that angers you so, general?’ I hissed back, angrily. The words slipped from me before I could even think what I was saying. I realized what I just said only when it was too late. ‘Oh!... Um, I’m so sorry, general! I didn’t meant to say that! I... I was just furious that you accused me of-...”

Before I could finish the sentence, the general’s lips silenced me. He kissed me, pouring all the rage and violence into it. I was unresponsive at first, taken by surprise and unsure how to react. I eased into the kiss though, and let Hux snog the living lights out of me. He didn’t stop until the both of us were out of breath. Then, he broke away and hurried to his office, leaving me confused as all hell.


	5. Chapter 5

“He kissed me!” I shouted, scandalized. Kylo just looked at me, as surprised as I felt. I expected he’g foreseen such outcome, but it didn’t seem so. “He fucking pushed me against the wall and kissed me.”

“Yeah, I can see that... And I can see you enjoyed it, just a little, too...” he said with a smirk, referring to the memories in my head. I could feel blush warming my cheeks. “To answer your question, I had no idea he would do that. The Surpreme Leader forbid me to look in his mind. I’d rather not bring my master’s wrath upon me, so I obey. It would be so much fun, though...”

I stared incredulously at the Commander. Was he even serious right now? I was convinced he had everything under control! That he could easily foresee the general’s reactions to our mischief. It was not so. I felt my blood boil. I clenched my jaw and fists in anger, barely stopping myself from saying something I might regret. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm down.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked, keeping my voice from shouting.

“I suppose we carry on...” Kylo said with a small shrug. I was certain that he noticed my rage and chose to ignore it. I was thankful he did, because if we fought, that would end in bloodshed. And my death. As skilled as I was, I couldn’t even dream to match him in a fight.

“Carry on?” I asked dumbfounded. “He’s already acting weird. Since you can’t see into his mind, we have no idea how this progresses.”

“I don’t need to know his thoughts. It’s quite obvious he wants to keep you close.” Ren grinned, amused. “So far, it’s just as I predicted. Except, the fact that he might be sexually or romantically interested in you. He is jealous, though, and we achieved our goal.”

“I refuse to play his feelings like that. It’s not funny. It’s just cruel. It was supposed to be only work-related jealousy. He was supposed to be aware I might choose to work somewhere else. But if he actually feels something for me, then I won’t exploit that.” I said with conviction. Kylo looked surprised and maybe a little disappointed. Sad?

Yes, he was sad and I felt like an asshole.

“Then, you don’t want to hang out anymore?” even though Ren’s voice was neutral, I saw the look in his eyes. I groaned, feeling terrible with myself. 

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” I breathed out after a moment. “You’re fun to be around. I like you. I just... refuse to do anything that would hurt the general. Perhaps, we have it all wrong anyway - maybe he thinks we’re having sex and due to neverending pissing contest between the two of you, he wants to fuck me. I don’t know what happens now... I haven’t seen him since then and I’m anxious about meeting him today.”

Ren hummed thoughtfully.

“You will have to face him, though, and in twenty minutes no less. I think you shouldn’t address the subject in any way if you’re concerned. If he wants something, he will say it out loud.”

“He always does.” I muttered, remembering all the orders thrown at me. Kylo brust into laugh and I joined in. It was a real shame I needed to leave soon.

* * *

 

When I entered my office, I heard Hux already walking around in his. I came to my desk as quietly as I could. I didn’t want him to know I was there, I’d much prefer to do my job and don’t have to interact with him at all.

“Lieutenant (y/n)...” rang out the familiar voice and I tried not to cringe.

“Yes, general?” I asked in my usual tone. I would NOT mention yesterday’s situation nor would I show how deeply it affected me.

“It appears as though we have a number of subjects to discuss. Come to my office at once.” he ordered and I couldn’t help but follow.

Hux pointed at the chair for me to sit. Reluctantly, I took his offer. If his expression was anything to go by, this would be a lengthy meeting.

The general poured two glasses of brandy and handed one to me. Knowing better than to refuse, I took my glass and drank a sip. Alcohol burned pleasantly on my tongue. It wasn’t too bitter - a little sweet even, not too heavy taste, but undoubtly rich in alcohol. The bastard knew what to buy. 

“Yesterday... kiss was uncalled for. You were clearly unwilling. You have my apologies.” he said. I stared at Hux in shock - he never apologized for anything before. Not to me, at least.

“I, uh... Alright.” I stammered. “I admit I was... surprised. May I ask what brought it on?”

The general looked away, his face unreadable. I wasn’t sure if he’s going to answer my question at all. Perhaps, he truly felt bad about his actions?

“What are your relations to Kylo Ren?” he asked. I wanted to demand him to answer me first, but I bit my tongue. It would only worsen the situation.

“He’s my friend.” I said with a small shrug. Hux looked up at me, raising one eyebrow. There was a silent question hanging between us and he didn’t even need to say it out loud.

“There’s nothing untoward going on between me and Commander Ren. As far as I know he’s not even interested in me or anyone else in such a manner. Even if he was, I still wouldn’t be interested. I like him as a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.”

The general hummed, deep in thought.

“What in the world possessed you to develop a friendship with him? He’s violent, unpredictable and mean. You’re none of those things - you’re balanced, smart and always plan ahead which is why I have serious concerns. I know you rarely interact with other people on this ship. I assume you have reasons to make Ren your... friend.”

It seemed I made the mistake of underestimating the general’s intelligence. Should I play stupid? Tell the truth? I had no idea... It could be bad if I told him what happened and even worse if I lied now and he discovered everything on his own.

I casted down my head in shame.

“Ever since you, Commander Ren and I talked about who do I like, I grew... insecure about my position as your secretary. Master Ren, for reasons only he knows, decided to calm me down about this.”

Hux’s expression was that of a doubt and quite frankly, I could see why. My explainations sounded rather inconvincing, even to my own ears, but it was a truth. Maybe vague version of what happened, although I didn't want to anger him again.

“There is one thing I hate, lieutenant...” the general said, looking me dead in the eye. “Disloyalty. I don’t care for your reasons. As long as you work for me, you better remember that. I have no idea why would you even... Oh. I did threaten to fire you, didn’t I?”

I nodded. Hux’s face was unreadable.

“Nevermind. You better not be plotting anything with Kylo Ren, and especially not against me. Otherwise, do as you please.” the stern expression on his face didn’t leave a doubt in my mind that this was a threat. “Dismissed.”

I nodded and quickly rose up from my seat. As I approached the door, I realized I had one more thing to say.

“General?...” I inquired, making him look up and silently asking me to continue. “You really don’t need to feel bad about that kiss.”

I smiled and walked out, enjoying his very shocked and puzzled expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best with this chapter, though it still feels a little uninspired. Next ones should get better when the tension between Reader and Hux thickens.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck it's been a year since last update... WOOPS.  
> Anyways, I don't know what I'm doing, enjoy

Next day after the confrontation was peaceful one. I was on schedule with my duties and, surprisingly enough, wasn't added any extra that day.

I wondered why is that so, but didn't dare to question it.

Kylo was sent on a mission, unexpectedly. I wished he'd stay but the Surpreme Leader's orders couldn't be ignored. Ren was a good friend to me. He was funny and I felt relaxed in his company. I wasn't afraid at all that he'd hurt me. I knew I'd be bored without him.

"Lieutenant L/N," a familar voice called out, snapping me out from my daydreaming. I looked back to see the general, standing at the door. A female officer was standing behind him with a smile as smug as you could imagine. I suddenly had a dreadful feeling I was being replaced.

"Yes, sir?" I asked, standing up.

"This is officer Mirrea. She'll be assissting you from now on in your duties." he announced coolly. The officer behind him was still grinning in a way that made me doubt she's gotten this job thanks to her qualifications for it. She was very beautiful and very... shapely... in ways I was not. In fact, I felt very bland in her company.

"I see," I said, trying to hide my displeasure. I didn't need help. Or rather, I didn't need some airhead in the same room with me so Hux could bang her between one pile of paperwork and another.

"I know you're very busy, L/N," the general continued in soothing, almost concerned tone. "You are taking care of not just your assigned duties but also so much more. Your hard work and dedication weren't unnoticed. Officer Mirrea is here to take away some of the burden you're carrying."

I truly doubted that, but his voice was so soothing... He never spoke to me like that before.

"Officer Mirrea," he addressed her, back to his cold, professional tone. "You will assisst Lieutenant L/N. Consider her orders as though they were my own."

"Yes, sir," she all but purred.

It made me gag, they way she was acting. I could tell already we were not going to be getting along.

Hux didn't address her actions and marched off to his office. Meanwhile, I held back a groan, not wanting to be in the same room as Mirrea.

* * *

 

I didn't have to fight her that day or passing few days. She did as she was asked. I admit I may have underestimated her abilities, but I certainly wasn't wrong about her interest in the general. Mirrea made a point to flirt with him constantly and do as little work as possible to get away with it. Everything about her attitude was repulsive. It was so kriffing annoying to see her flaunt herself in front of him so much. Hux was handsome, but sweet Force, have some dignity, woman!

One afternoon, he called her to his office. It always put me on edge when he did that. Mirrea would always leave quickly, but not this time. She was in there for a very long time and I had a suspicion it was hardly a job-related meeting. My suspicions were pretty much confirmed when she finally left, her cheeks flushed and clothes not nearly as impeccable as before. Was I jealous? I can admit that I was. The kiss I shared with Hux made me see him in a different light than before, but it clearly didn't change his view of me.

I raised an eyebrow, sharing a look with her. Mirrea smirked. It looked that I was right and something happened between them in his office.

"I'm sorry I took so long. The general kept me busy," she explained with a shrug. I could tell she's not sorry at all.

"Don't worry. The paperwork patiently waited for you," I said sardonically, pointing at the impressive mountain of documents on her desk. I almost laughed at how she winced.

Sleeping with Hux or not, she still had a job to do. It was satisfying enough for me to know there is some justice in the universe.

"Lieutenant L/N, please, come to my office," I heard in my commlink few hours later. It was nearly a lunch and I was so hungry... I could only hope Hux won't be keeping me in his office for too long.

"Yes, sir?" I asked while the door closed behind me. Hux pointed at a chair by his desk and I followed the silent order and sat down in it.

"What do you think of officer Mirrea?" he asked. The question was both surprising and not. As her superior, I knew he'd ask me sooner or later, but I didn't want to answer it. It was hard to give unbiased opinion on someone you hated.

"I think she's smart, but very unfocused. She can't keep up with the work I give her and so far I assigned her with very basic duties. I don't think she's suited for a job here, but she might be doing better in less stressful and hectic environment." I said, as professionally as I could. It's not like I was lying. 

"She claimed you're abusing your power and making her take more work than she's supposed to have," Hux countered calmly, but his eyes were drilling holes in my.

"Excuse me?!" I nearly shouted, outraged. "I've never done that! I am giving her exact amount of work she's supposed to have. It's not my fault she can't keep up!"

"You are in charge of her so it is your job."

I glared at Hux with as much intensity as he was glaring at me.

"You're the one who hired her, **_sir_**. It's not my fault you picked someone who doesn't belong here." I hissed, instantly regretting the words. The general's face reddened in anger and I could tell how furious he is. Still, I didn't go back on what I said. I wanted to say more about her and her flirting, and her probable romance with him, but kept my mouth shut.

Hux was staring at me for a very long time with a snarl on his face. His blood was boiling.

"You asked me for my opinion, general, so here it is." I reminded him before he could snap at me. "Don't expect me to give praise to her when she did nothing to deserve it. She's lying about me, too. You've known long enough, sir, to know I'd not abuse my power over anyone. I always followed your orders to a "T" and never stepped one toe out of the line."

"I saw a pile on her desk. I saw how distressed she is," he defended her, making me even angrier.

"Yes, and maybe you'd see her laziness too, if you looked at how she works instead of at her boobs!" I snapped.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he was too surprised to reply. The look on his face clearly read 'caught'.

"It hurts me to know how I worked for you for years with all my dedication and loyalty, and you still trust my word less than hers." I said, feeling my eyes moisten with tears. I swallowed them bravely. I didn't want him to notice my weakness. "I have never given you a reason to doubt me. I've never belittled or used anyone of lower rank. It really hurts to know that you think so little of me. If you bothered to check what is on her desk, you'd have your proof that I was not using her to do more than she's supposed to."

A silence fell between us. Hux looked uncomfortable, unsure what to do now. 

"I will check, then. And I hope for your own sake you're not lying," he said, trying to sound confident, but I could tell he's already doubting his accusations.

"Let's go, then."

We walked out of his office and saw Mirrea, holding piles of documents, clearly trying to move them from one desk to another. The blush on her face spoke volumes of what she was trying to do.

"I don't remember giving you permission to take files from my desk, officer," I said, crossing arms over my chest. I was annoyed. She was clearly eavesdropping on me and Hux and her guilty expression was proof of it.

"Y-yes, you have," she lied. "You told me to fill those files because you were supposed to have lunch with a friend."

Now it was Hux's turn to glare at me. What a shitshow... Thankfully, it'd be easy enough to proof my innocence.

"There are security cameras installed in this very office, Mirrea," I said. "How about we check and see if you're speaking the truth?"

Her pretty face distorted in rage. I wasn't bluffing and I wanted Hux to know the truth, too.

"General, please, make sure to watch security feed. In case you've found I did anything incriminating, I'll be in lunch room," I said and walked off, no longer caring to hear dismissal. I was angry and tired. I didn't care what his decision is going to be, but I knew for a fact I didn't do anything wrong.

* * *

 

Lunch was a lonely, sad affair. I wished Kylo was there with me, so I could talk to him about recent events.

I tried not to think what Hux and that hussy were up to in my absence. I wanted him to kiss me again, but he suddenly choose that bitch over me. I was bitter about it, but the fact that he trusted me less than her was making it so much worse.

"Hey, Y/N. Wha's with the long face? Sux giving you a hard time again?" mechanical, amused voice called out from behind me. I looked around and smiled brightly. 

"Hey there, Kylo," I grinned. "How was your mission?"

"Good," he said, taking off his helmet and sitting down in front of me. "Dispatched a significant part of the rebellion. What about you, though? I can tell something happened..."

I smiled wryly and sighed. Taking a bite of horrible food, I told him everything that happened in his absence.

"Hux is a fucking idiot," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I know the girl you're talking about. She has a bit of a... reputation. She was trying to hit on me, too, but failed miserably. I don't think her ego ever recovered from that."

"He wants to replace me with her, I know that," I sighed.

"Why do you care, anyway? You deserve better," Kylo snorted.

"I... I fell in love with him. Perhaps, I strived so hard to impress him because I was in love with him all along, but only the kiss made me realize it," I mused out loud, having a revelation.

Ren hummed. He probably couldn't understand my point of view since as far as I know, he never felt attracted to anyone.

"Maybe he's doing this to make you jealous?" he wondered.

"Why would he try to make me jealous when I already told him that I'm fine about that kiss?"

"True. Maybe then he's trying to push you away? Maybe he got scared of his own feelings and yours? He's a complicated man with a complicated past. I swore not to talk about his life before he became a general, but I can tell you that he is carrying a baggage of his own. I don't think he's in love with this girl at all, too - she's not his type. Mirrae is too dull and too easy, even if physically attractive."

' _Physically attractive_ ' didn't begin to cover it. She was gorgeous.

"I look so plain beside her," I sighed. "Maybe he's not in love with her, but I'm not as pretty as she is."

"Well, you're not," Kylo agreed. Thanks, asshole. "But you could be. Use some makeup, do your hair, buy a better bra and heels... It's not like she's naturally so beautiful anyway."

I smiled weakly. Maybe there was some truth to what Ren was speaking.

* * *

 

When I came back to my office, Mirrea was busy at her desk and Hux nowhere to be seen. My dear assisstant didn't acknowledge my presence in any shape or form and I was grateful for that. I didn't want to talk to her either. The general's absence was also a blessing.

The rest of the day passed in unnerving silence between me and her. I managed to finish my work quickly, though, so I could go back to my room early.

"Where are you going?" asked a male voice, startling me. Hux was suddenly standing behind me as I reached the door.

"I've done all my assignments, sir," I answered coolly. "According to my contract, it allows me to leave early."

"Very well," he nodded, obviously displeased. "Officer Mirrea, I'll be leaving as well. Stay here until you finish your work."

I stifled a laugh at the miserable expression on her face. Meanwhile, Hux opened the door for me.

"After you, lieutenant," he said, gentelmanly gesturing me to go first.

The politeness made me think there's a difficult conversation to follow it. As I soon found out, I wasn't wrong in my presumption.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get together with Hux!  
> But do you really?

The general's presence was stifling and annoying. Sound of his footsteps matched mine so perfectly, you'd expect one person walking down the corridors. What a shame that wasn't true. After over ten minutes of tense silence, I finally gave in. I turned around angrily and glared at Hux.

'Is there something I could help you with, sir?' I asked, lacing each word with venom. He couldn't exactly call me out on insubordination, so he glared back at me.

'Indeed, you can,' he said, as though my sardonic tone didn't get to him. 'I want you in my private quarters in an hour.'

I was just about to object that my shift has ended, but he didn't allow me.

'That's an order,' Hux added and I knew that was the end of that discussion. I clenched my jaw, swallowing the anger boiling in my veins.

'Yes, general,' I nodded tersely. He glanced at me with annoyance and walked off without another word.

I was tired. I was so very tired... I'd much rather went to sleep than see the general. I sighed heavily at the door of my quarters. I looked longily at the bed and went to the shower instead. I took very brisk shower and dressed comfortably in black T-shirt and matching slacks, all First Order-approved. I set alarm for the meeting, giving myself 40 minutes of well-deserved nap. Angry noises of my alarm startled me awake all too soon. I groaned unhappily, looking at the time. I quickly fixed my hair and clothes, rushing to Hux's rooms. I didn't know what to expect. I knocked at the door and it opened almost instantly, much to my disappointment. I was in no particular mood to be talking to the general that day.

'Come on in,' he said and only then I realized he was no longer wearing his uniform, but a black and red silk bathrobe. Hux's hair was still a little damp and unruly. In his hand he was holding a glass of what looked like a Corellian brandy and a cigarette.

He looked so decadent and strange. Like one of those models in magazines for wealthy people.

He also looked attractive. Very attractive. It made my jaw clench in anger.

'How can I help you, general?' I asked, trying to keep the irritation away from my voice.

'It seems as though you and Mirrea keep having issues,' he started. It took all of my self restraint not to bite back. "Issues" was an understatement of the century.

'Indeed, sir. We don't seem to be getting alng well,' I said. _"And you know damned well why"_ , I didn't say, but I definitely thought. 'I can't care less for your private matters, general. However, it's almost a spectacle now how the two of you behave. I'm not the only one to have picked on it. She's making it very clear to everyone who walks in that she has ongoing affair with you. Not only that, but out of spite she's trying to sabotage me and my work. I won't have that.'

Hux hummed, deep in thought. I had a feeling it's only an act and that he has his mind already made on the matter.

'Would you like to be in her place?' he asked, smirking. 'Would you like me to be fucking you instead?'

Outrage was plain in my expression. I sputtered, searching for words. I was angry to be asked such unbecoming question and partially because I knew he caught me.

'So people would accuse me of sleeping my way up to the top?' I sneered in distaste. 'Even if I were to do so, I would be forever branded as a whore. I worked hard to get where I am. I would not throw all of it away for a fling.'

He nodded. I couldn't say if my answer pleased him or not. His expression was cold and unreadable as always.

'I see.' he said. 'So you'd rather keep fucking Kylo Ren instead.'

Now that made me angry. It was a lie and he knew it well!

'I told you alread I'm not sleeping with him! He's not interested in me!' I shouted.

'How dare you lie to me! How dare you deny the truth to your general!' he sneered, slamming the glass against the table. The glass was sturdy enough to survive this, somehow.

Hux approached me, fury twisted his face in a sneer. Blue-green eyes were ablaze with violence. I made a step back, despite myself. He was terrifying.

'I talked to Ren just before you came. He told me all about you and how much of a slut you are for him,' he growled. I just stared at him, completely baffled and furious.

So Kylo decided to react and do something behind my back. Great.

'Would you like to be in his place, general?' I asked in a silky voice, a mockery of Hux's own. 'Would you like me to be fucking you instead?'

I don't know where all that malice came from to possess me into saying such things, but it got to him just right. He roared, punching the wall beside me.

Hux grabbed my neck. His hand wrapped firmly but he was not suffocating me. He was only showing that he could if he wanted.

'You're mine, you hear me?' he hissed against my lips, his hot breath caressing my skin. 'Mine!'

'Is that so?' I challenged. 'I see no brand of property on me.'

I realized what the fuck did I just say only after a most menacing smirk spread on his lips.

His mouth attacked mine, aggressively and with every intention of conquering. I responded in kind, battling Hux in this war of passion. I hated how my body burned in anger and desire and how I clawed at his robe. He was holding me firmly in place, though, not allowing to do what I wanted. 

Hux was surprisingly strong for someone of such lithe build.

His lips moved down my chin to my neck, driving me insane with little kisses and nipping. I was ready to climb him and make him take me, but alas he didn't let me.

I moaned loudly when he left a lovemark on the sensitive skin of my pulsepoint. Wetness gathered in my panties. I wanted more _._

I refused to admit it out loud. And thankfully so, because he pulled away with a smirk.

'The hell was that for!' I shouted, touching marked spot with my fingertips. It kind of hurt and I knew it'd stay there for some days to come.

'You wanted to have a brand of property, so here it is,' he grinned like he just conquered the entire Resistance fleet. 'You're mine, not his. You'll never be his.'

'If I'm to be yours, then are you mine as well?' I asked. I knew Hux liked loopholes.

He sighed as though the answer was obvious. It wasn't. Nothing was ever obvious with the general. I all of people knew it best.

'You don't need to worry about Mirrea,' he replied. 

'That's not an answer to my question.' 

Hux sighed again.

'Very well. I am yours, too.' he admitted eventually.

If I only knew what that included... or rather, **_not_ ** included, I'd have handled this conversation very differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The road to your happy ending is still very, very long.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning and the end, and the new beginning readying you for the new beginning.

The relationship with Hux was an odd one. I could tell just by the first days of it. There was sex, there was aggresion in the way we had it and... not much else. He was not a loving person. He didn't do romance and I expected it, although I was still... disappointed. The sex was great, counting by the number of orgasms he brought me to and all the creative ways he played with my body, but there was no intimacy behind it. No soft kisses, no cuddles afterwards, no talk. Just good, old 'bam, wham, thank you madam'.

Initially, I didn't mind it, deciding that it's probably for the best. Feelings would be messy. If we had a breakup, I'd lose my job and there'd just be so much drama. I wanted none of it. Still, the more often we had sex, more I fell for him and longed for things he couldn't give me.

 _I got what I wanted_ , I thought with bitterness.

Despite the fact that he promised he'd be mine, I couldn't help but notice he still had his eyes for Mirrea. There was nothing untoward going on, at least not as far as I could tell, but I saw the way he looked at her. He looked at me that way, too, but I'd have preferred if I was the only one. And for some reason, he didn't fire her despite the outrageous misconduct on her part.

I was conflicted. I wanted to talk about my concerns with him, but it's been only few days of our relationship (or so it was supposed to be) and I felt like it's too early. He also didn't do anything wrong so far yet.

"You seem troubled," I heard a familiar voice by my side one late afternoon while I was alone in the office. I turned around and saw Hux, staring at me intensely.

I sighed. There was no way or reason to deny. He was way too good at reading people than to try to deceive him.

"What is it?" he asked as though he was losing his patience already. That was probably the first time he voiced his concern for me.

I licked my lips nervously, looking for a way to answer that question without sounding oppressive or jealous. I was better than that, but I also knew that both these qualities would infuriate him in a woman.

"It's just... what's the deal with you and Mirrea? You said you're going to be loyal to me and yet, you keep making eyes at her," I said, as calm as I could possibly be about this.

"She's beautiful to look at," Hux replied and I wondered if he's purposefully being hurtful to me or is it just the way he interacts with people. "I said I'm going to be yours, but I never said I won't fuck someone I like."

"You said I have nothing to worry about from her!" I screamed outraged. "You said you're going to be mine and that's the same thing as not sleeping with other people!"

Hux remained unimpressed by my outbrust.

"Ah, a case of miscommunication. You see, I do... feel attached emotionally to you, and in that regard I am loyal. Sex is just sex to me, and she's an amazing lay."

I stood up with an angry snarl and swung a fist at him. He caught my hand easily before I could connect it with his face.

"I didn't sleep with her since we started our thing," he continued, but I could hear unspoken 'yet' in his voice, loud and clear.

"What does that matter if you clearly want to and imply that you will?" I asked, feeling hot tears of anger and hurt run down my cheeks. "What the fuck is even wrong with you! What the fuck is this whole big mess we've got ourselves into! Why are you doing all this? Why are you cruel to me when you claim that you... in your own fucked up way... care for me? It makes. No. Fucking. Sense!"

He sighed softly as though he was as lost as I felt. Grip of Hux's hand around my wrist loosened to a gentle touch.

"I can't fire her if that's what you want me to do. She was reprimended for her misdeeds and she been doing better since," was all Hux said. The lack of straightforward answer to my questions made me want to yell in frustration.

"You know what I think?" I asked and he furrowed his eyebrows, listening. "That I'm another element of your rivalry with Kylo Ren. You want me only because he shown interest in me. You wish to own me, but you're not willing to give anything in return. Instead, you do your rivalry thing with me as well, pushing me in a contest for your attention with Mirrea. Every relationship you have is about rivalry. I deserve better. I don't deserve having to give up my friend for you, just so you can play with my feelings like you do. The cheating threat is just... so fucking low. The lowest of the low blows you could ever pull on someone."

"You did the same to me," he shrugged.

"I told you from the beginning that my relationship with Kylo is purely platonic. I never made eyes at him, I never sung praises of his beauty or bed skills, I didn't sleep with him nor did I imply I would." I defended. It was true, though, that the friendship with Ren was to make Hux pull his head out of his ass. "I know what he told you, but it's just not the truth."

"What do you propose then?" Hux asked softly. Maybe I imagined it, but perhaps he was scared of losing me?

"I... I don't know. We can't live in paranoia of thinking the other person is sleeping around. We both have work to do and other things, so let's skip on that kind of stress," I said with a shrug.

"We've just started dating an you already want to break up with me," he whispered, eyes wide with realization.

"I guess I do," I shrugged. "We can't be together until we fix ourselves first. I can be as jealous and as vindictive as you are. And you... you're so spiteful. So mean. So cold. You never hold me or kiss me outside the bed. I feel more like a sex toy than a partner to you."

Hux stood there in silence. He looked heartbroken. For the first time ever I saw such an emotion on his face, and so unguarded. I felt like an asshole for doing this to him but I knew that I had to.

"I just... I don't know how to be, uh... a boyfriend," he said, sounding almost embarassed.

"I can see as much," I sighed. I gently put my hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. He seemed starved for affection. Maybe I should've had shown it to him first?

Well, it was too late now.

"If you want a relationship with me, perhaps we should seek counselling? What we have is poisonous and unhealthy, and I think you know it," I whispered. "We need to stop and start again when we're ready."

"Very well," he said, opening his eyes again. There was fire in those blue hues. "We will find therapists and go our separate ways until we're ready to start anew."

It sounded like a promise and his eyes were bright with determination. It was almost scary, but at least I knew he'd keep his promise... probably.

* * *

It was hard. We still worked together, all three of us. The tension in the air was palpable. Hux looked somber, I was sad and Mirrea was just... her old, slutty self. She was even worse now that he didn't seem interested in her advances recently. It'd have been more amusing for me to watch if I wasn't feeling like shit.

I contacted a counsellor, like I promised and I think Hux was even faster to find his. Never doubt the general in completing his mission quickly and efficiently.

My first appointment with doctor B'aksha was so awkward. I had to tell him about me, about reasons why I needed to see him and the whole story behind my relationship with Hux. As I talked about all those plots and schemes, and jealousy play I realized how petty and childish I was. I ended up crying, finally seeing how awful person I could be and that I'd end up even worse if I didn't stop this. The doctor didn't comment on anything so far, just asked more questions about details of the story and about Ren since he was the central part of all this mess. I spent almost two hours in the doctor's office and left feeling emotionally worn out and beaten. He offered me no words of comfort, but I guess I didn't deserve any.

I avoided both Hux and Kylo. The general stared at me often, clearly wanting to approach me. Ren seemed to know what's going on and didn't seemed troubled at all by my mood and just gave me the space I needed. I was grateful for that.

"So... What's up?" asked Mirrea of all people on the next day since my visit at the counsellor's. She had her arms crossed on her chest and she was glaring at me with open suspicion.

I had no time or patience for her shit.

"Work that you and I should be doing," I replied in bored voice. "Go back to your duties unless you want more afterhours."

"Answer me," she demanded and again, I acted like I don't know anything about what she means.

"Ask the question properly and maybe I'll be able to give you some answers," I challenged, earning heated glare from her.

"You know what I mean!" she shouted. Or screeched, more like.

"No, I don't."

"You got between me and Hux! Don't think I'm stupid! He's pushing me away and looks at you like a kicked puppy! Tell me what did you do?!"

I sighed. Her loud, obnoxious high-pitched voice was giving me a headache. I was not really in the mood to explain her how she's the one who got between me and him, and honestly it wasn't a knowledge I'd have trusted her with anyways.

"Go the fuck back to work before I fire you," I said with a finality she had no courage to contest.

Mirrea walked off to her desk and kept glaring at me as she sorted the documents. I was ready to flip her off, but decided that I won't even waste on her the amount of energy needed to do that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in years. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and I promise to make future ones better.


End file.
